1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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