I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
