sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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