I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
