and she was petting her beer can
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
