apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
