Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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