How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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