And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
