sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
