Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize