I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize