He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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