bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
