i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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