im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
