I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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