so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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