I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Drunk is not a location!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
