I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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