yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
