Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
