i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
