He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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