I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
