At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
