You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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