woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
