Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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