I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
