and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
