Please, let me fuck your mom
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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