just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
