my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
