she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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