i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
