he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
