Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
