Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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