My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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