Im at strip club and am horny
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize