I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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