If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
