Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is wine microwaveable?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
