When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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