yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
