didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
