stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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