i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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