so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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