Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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