for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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