Plan B is the new Plan A
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
