pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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