just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
