Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
