covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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