There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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