Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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