I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
