Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
