in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize