Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
