Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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