That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
