I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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