He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
