I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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