onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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