well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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