I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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