glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
