final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
