so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.