I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
