Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
