my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
