What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
