I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
