it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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